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I dreamed of happily ever after with my new husband. I couldn’t wait to share hopes and dreams and have long heart to hearts with this awesome guy God had brought into my life. The reality: the first couple years of marriage, I struggled. Why did I feel sad?
I had a great husband, but he didn’t understand me. He never said the words I wanted him to say. I found myself correcting him, telling him what he “should have said.” I cried...a lot. The relationship I thought would bring me happiness left me lonely and angry. Sound familiar?
I often asked Jesus why. I didn’t listen to His answer until the day I read this verse: “Seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). Lightbulb! God wanted me to have an awesome relationship with my husband, but my relationship with God was more important.
Through lots of prayer and tears I learned my husband was not God, and he could not take God’s place in my heart. I began pouring into my relationship with Jesus. He began to change me, my relationship with Him, and my relationship with my husband.
3 Ways You Can Get Your Relationships Back In Order
1. Go to God first.
You have to put time into a relationship in order for it to grow. This may seem like one more thing to add to your never ending to-do list, but time with God is so much more than something to check off. God doesn’t want to burden you, He wants to bless you.
God wants you to become closer to Him. He wants to fill up your heart so much that you are left overflowing His love to others instead of feeling empty and needy. Find a good time for you, get quiet, read the Bible, listen for God’s voice, and pray.
2. Ask God for help before you turn to your husband.
Psalm 46:1 says “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”
Even the best husband makes a pretty bad god.
Take your heart to God. Tell him the good and the bad. Then when the time comes to talk to your husband, you will have a better perspective, taking the pressure off him to always say the right thing. Remember that even the best husband makes a pretty bad god.
3. Surround yourself with married women who love the Lord and will tell you when you’re wrong.
Let’s face it: we can’t do life alone. In Proverbs 27:17 we read, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.’’
We need others to help us on our way, to encourage us when we are doing the right thing, and to show the way back when we mess up. Often times, we aren’t the best judge of our emotions. We need friends who will help us see when our relational priorities are getting out of order.
Your husband is not God, and he will never take God’s place in your heart. He will never measure up. Only God can complete you and completely fill all of your emotional needs. Your relationship with your husband will flourish when the pressure is off him to be your god.